The Rejectomancer’s Grimoire: Mazie’s Marvelous Marketing

The Rejectomancer’s Grimoire contains all manner of useful spells, a number of which can aid a rejectomancer’s efforts to attract new readers. This week, we explore the relatively benign Mazie’s marvelous marketing, a handy enchantment that enhances a rejectomancer’s promotional endeavors.

(If you’re wondering what all this rejectomancer stuff is, start here.)

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Mazie’s Marvelous Marketing

2nd-level enchantment

Casting Time: Five minutes

Range: 1 tweet, post, etc.

Components: Material

Duration: One day

You cast this spell on one promotional tweet, Facebook post, Instagram post, or other social media application. The spell makes the post or tweet more appealing to its target audience and generates 3d8 additional likes, retweets, and shares and 1d8 additional followers. Mazie’s marvelous marketing also obscures up to 1d6 negative comments or reactions, making them invisible to readers for the duration of the spell.

The material component for this spell is a small object universally considered to be bait. This could be a piece of cheese, a fishing lure, or even a live worm. Most rejectomancers go with the cheese, as the material component must be eaten for the spell to take effect.

Rumors persist of a more powerful version of Mazie’s marvelous marketing called Vernon’s viral verve. This mighty enchantment is said to generate 5d100 additional likes, retweets, and shares and 1d100 additional followers. The spell can be dangerous, however, as each casting attracts 1d4 internet trolls, which much be defeated or blocked for the spell to take full effect.

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I seem to accidentally cast Mazie’s marvelous marketing from time to time because I cannot for the life of me figure out why one promotional tweet or Facebook post does so much better than another. I have not yet achieved sufficient rejectomantic experience to attempt Vernon’s viral verve, and I’m not sure I’d be brave enough to do it even if I had that kind of power. 🙂

Looking for more rare and wondrous rejectomancer powers? Links below.

• Revise Rejection
• Fiona’s Flawless Formatting
• Resist Response
• Resurrect Manuscript